Shy_ism's Xanga

this water does not satisfy... yet.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:28:44 GMT

Imagine if you found out the water you drink was monopolized, and people on the other side of town did not get any. (Kind of like the Peligre Dam in Haiti).

If salvation is only for the elected, then the metaphor above describes how I feel. For the sake of survival, I will still drink, but everything about it is flipped. I thought missions and evangelism was an opportunity to present the Gospel to an unbeliever, have them accept, and allow the Spirit to enter into their heart, securing their place in Heaven. Now, it seems that missions is a way to reach out only to the elected because those that weren't have no chance at salvation. My bible study seemed to take this as cop-out, but I'm beyond that. Again, I'm still going to drink that water. However, how is faith, trust, submission, and obedience going to help me with the brokenness I feel for the damned?

I haven't cried like that in a while.
I'm sure this is confirmation that the intercession I experienced in the Summer was just the beginning.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:06:16 GMT

the intricacy of one strand from your robe will take me a lifetime to understand.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:51:34 GMT

http://films-jacobkang.blogspot.com/

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:42:28 GMT

the wrinkles in your knuckle are bottomless canyons.

he is bigger than i- ...

thank god.

you're so gay

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:01:43 GMT

So if the marriage between a man and a woman is supposed to symbolize Jesus and the church, how are men allowed into heaven?

In other words, if the "bride" of Jesus is not gender specific, why should our view of marriage on earth be any different?

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Was Prop 8 worth it?
It turned an entire people group against us.
Basically, they hate us.

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God, I love your ways.
Guide me.
Rebuke me.
Teach me.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 05:48:12 GMT

prayer has never been so pure.

$20,000 + $20,000 = 1st born, 2nd generation's honor/burden/obligation/joy.

i'm terrified.

itchy knuckles

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:22:48 GMT

With great intercessory comes a mouthful of attacks.

Lance and I had a great, intimate time at Freestyle Session 12th Anniversary in Hollywood, CA. On Sunday, we left after the final battle and went to Pho 2000 down the street. In the parking lot, a frail, red-eyed man waited for us. He wasted no time to started his story.

"Hello. Today is my birthday, so could you give me some change or something?"

The man was clearly intoxicated. We apologized to him and said no. We were in that space for another minute because I needed to get my wallet our of the trunk and Lance needed to manually lock each door. The man watched us with angry eyes.

Then, something inside me snapped, but I managed to get inside the restaurant without losing control.

"To be honest, I really feel like going off on that guy. I just came back from a retreat and realized how many kids come from broken families, mainly because the father is neglectful or absent. I keep thinking, what if this guy has a family to take care of? His wife and kids need him more than he knows and he's out there drunk and asking for money. [A few choice words]," I admitted.

"Just keep your cool," Lance said.

What if my friend wasn't there, what would I have done to the drunken father? What if he didn't even have a family. My knuckles really started to itch.

------------

The WHPC Youth retreat was amazing. I come from a pretty good family with a great relationship with my parents. It started off typical (the love between a 1st and 2nd gen. is always difficult), but became healthy and alive my senior year in high school.

The pain I felt when the kids shared and broke was something I wasn't familiar with. I understood why some of the teachers were breaking with them because they had similar storied. But I didn't.

It was dark.
Lonely.
Cold.
Betrayed.
Hardened.

The feeling was foreign, but I immediately understood- as if my spirit was always itching to dance to this tune. It felt so natural. If it's true that the best place to be is in the center of God's will, then I was in the best state of my life in those three nights.

Faith through prayer is difficult to grow if you're not praying for things that seem impossible.
Pastor John and Peter said it best. They said that this problem with neglectful fathers is not an isolated case. If they wanted to do antyhing about it, they will be going against generations and generations of tradition, culture, and ways of thinking.

Take them ear deep in your grace and mercy.
Mouths cannot speak words of hate because when they open, your goodness will enter.
Ears will only hear the waves you send.
Allow them to see over the waters. Don't let them miss the work you're doing.

Out of Solitute by Henri J.M. Nouwen

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:58:42 GMT

          "As Christians, we even feel a special call to do something good for someone: give good advice,
comfort, cast out a demon or two, and maybe even preach the good news from place to place.
           But although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in our
goal-oriented society, it can also become the source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem. More often than not, we not only desire to do meaningful things, but we often make the results of our work the criteria of our self-esteem. And then we not only have successes, we become our successes.
            When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world, but also of the world. Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable." (Nouwen, 21-22)

I am an older brother because people submit to me.
I am wise because people write down what I say to them.
I am a dancer because people haven't asked me to stop yet.
I am a filmmaker because of awards.
I am a minister because people cry when I pray for them.

Wreck me, Lord! I will not be satisfied.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:57:13 GMT

I will not be satisfied.
Lord, I dare you to use me more.
I dare you to use me harder.

Leave me blind to my own hands.
The last thing I want is to be caught up in what you have already done.
Leave me in awe.
Leave me thankful.
But I will not be satisfied.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:54:29 GMT

(Chris' grandmother made me some coffee. I miss my own grandma, and I can't wait to see her again.)

I'm going to summarize my OTR experience through blurbs (my own thoughts, quotes from speakers, etc) written down in my black book. If you read any of it, I hope it fills you after some grains of salt.

From Dr. Ajith Fernando:
"All of God's servants have always been opposed before doing something significant." - about Jeremiah 20:1-6

"Why does the devil get all the good music?" - William Boot, Salvation Army Founder

Truth-Lazy Generation: a group of people that are concerned with subjective truth more than objective truth.
Jacob reads the Bible.
Subjective element: Jacob reads. (What can I get out of it? Will I experience/feel something?)
Objective element: the Bible. (God's word needs to be read to survive.)

"If you want anything done, ask the busy people because they are the only ones that make time for it."

Jesus said he is the truth, not that his teaching is truth.
The Gospel is disclosed not discovered (based on the Truth-Lazy Gen)

As people are lost, we have no right to rest comfortably.

"Burn out takes place when we don't spend time with God. Serving is giving, praying is receiving."

"The key to usefulness is availability. A need doesn't mean a call."

"The happiest people are not those without problems. They are those that are not afraid of problems."

Lamenting is good. We know the taste of heaven, so disappointment is bound to happen. Express it secretly with God.

Self pity can seem to be our best friend. It is our excuse to what we are hurting from. We are listening to ourselves when we should be preaching to ourselves.

Misc.:
An electron's destiny is already known because it travels in waves. While its location in present time is known, its future location in any given time can be calculated. - conversation between Pastor Fred and Johann.

"I have hit rock bottom, but I found the rock is solid."

Art is dreaming with your eyes open. We are given the honor to be our own Daniels and Josephs to interpret these dreams. May kings and their nations be affected by it.

"Passion that has no discipline- you know what you get? You get anger." - Pastor Paul

"I don't know if God changed her heart, only he knows, but it's good that way because I won't steal glory from Him." - Ahrim of GCC

"God has all things but our hearts. He gave that to us and wants it back." He gave it to us to give back to him. - Pastor Paul